Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
