My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
