I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We were destined to go to rehab together
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
