I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
