we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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