But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
