Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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