why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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