evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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