dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
