and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
