Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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