these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize