One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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