you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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