...so i touched it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
