Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
