I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
