I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize