I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
