Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
