party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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