he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
