my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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