Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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