oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
