It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
