is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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