I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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