I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
