singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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