I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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