I just cut my nipple shaving
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
