Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
