Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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