I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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