I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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