Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
