I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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