this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
