There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
