Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
