she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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