so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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