Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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