yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
