i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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