We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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