it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
