I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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