Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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