clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
