If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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