I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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