were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
